


Delusions of Grandeur

by Remember When (scribblemyname)



Series: Trope Bingo 2014 [30]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Spirit (2008)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Gen, Humor, Immortality, Life Model Decoys, Natasha Romanov was Silken Floss, Nick Fury was the Octopus, SHIELD, because I felt like it, infinity formula
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-20
Updated: 2014-10-20
Packaged: 2018-02-21 22:16:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2484275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scribblemyname/pseuds/Remember%20When
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Silken Floss was trying to bring back the idiot who thought he could be a god. She got herself a Nick Fury instead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Infinity Formula

**Author's Note:**

> So I watched The Spirit and it was crackfic comic stuff with a lot of cringeworthy bits, but it gave me this total hankering for Natasha + Fury as previously were Silken Floss + Octopus. I didn't resist.

Silken Floss snatched the remote control from the black man sitting on the couch and turned off the television. "You're supposed to have delusions of grandeur, not anger at the world! You're immortal, remember?"

"But _somebody_ needs to fix this." He trailed her into the lab as she strove valiantly to refrain from beating her head against a wall.

"Seriously," she told him. "I was trying to bring back the idiot who thought he could be a god."

His eyebrow came up, then he stared aghast at one of the fat little men, who looked more than a little worse for wear. "Silken Floss, what have you been doing to them?"

"They're not people," she reminded him—again and sat down at her workstation and looked melodramatically thoughtful. "Consider them life model decoys."

He squinted at the 'life model decoy.' "Doesn't this at least rank with animal cruelty or something?"

Silken Floss dropped her head to the desk. "Oh, G—. Sand Saref was right. I need to get out of this business and into something more satisfying."

"So what will we do instead?" He grinned, an (at last!) familiar gleam in his eye.

She picked her head up wearily. "What do _I_ intend to do. It wasn't the Octopus that achieved immortality."

"Wait. You can't leave." He scowled at her. "What am I supposed to do without you?"

"Acquire some delusions of grandeur." She waved him off. "This is what I get for trying to bring people back from the dead."


	2. Minding the Store

"While we appreciate purchasing your life model decoys, Mr. Fury," the SHIELD representative across from him began cautiously, "and we certainly appreciate your zeal for saving humanity from its own..."

"Idiocy, Ms. Carter," Nick Fury interjected (he'd taken Silken Floss's assessment of his anger at the world to heart). "That's the word you're looking for."

She hesitated. "Well, that then. But we feel you could do far more for the world if we pooled resources, SHIELD and this operation."

"You really mean," he corrected as he leaned back, crossing his arms, "that my operation concerns you. You think I could very well become a supervillain and you can't have that. You dislike how dangerous my products and services can be."

"It would be terrible for them to fall into the wrong hands," Peggy responded, folding her hands neatly. "I think there are advantages to both of us if you join SHIELD."

"Naturally you do." He grinned. "I'll consider your offer."


	3. Personal Loyalty

Nick Fury did a double take the first time he saw the Black Widow waiting patiently in the interrogation room his agents had brought her to. He was grinning by the time he walked in and sat down.

She arched one eyebrow in that familiar understated amusement. "Nice coat."

"I was once told by someone who closely resembled you that 'delusions of grandeur' were necessary in this business." He leaned forward. "So you're the Black Widow. Ran my agents a merry chase, you did."

The Black Widow shrugged. She showed no signs of recognizing him, but with her reputation, that didn't necessarily mean anything.

"You intend to defect," Fury began.

"That is why I'm here," she parried effortlessly.

"Why did you choose to join SHIELD?" he asked.

That eyebrow came up again. "Maybe I got tired and decided to try something more satisfying."

He returned the amusement with his own grin, then sobered. "And how far back does your memory go, Natalia Romanova?"

"Excuse me?" Her tone gave away not even the slightest disturbance in her composure.

"Black widows passed through the Red Room, and they're known for having comprehensive brainwashing at their disposal."

She was very still for one brief moment, then shrugged. "Are you going to tell me why I should join SHIELD or kill me because you don't trust me?"

"Very well, Widow." He sighed. She didn't remember him. "All I will ask of you is personal loyalty—to Agent Barton..."

There went that eyebrow again.

"...to your handler, and to myself. In return, you will have mine." She already had it, but no need to let her know.

She weighed his offer for a long moment, then nodded. "Agreed."

It was only once Fury was safely outside the room again that he noted to himself, "And I always thought Floss was a natural blonde."


End file.
